J is for Jogging

April 13, 2020 , In: Big in Beijing , With: No Comments

I never thought in my life I would actually attempt to write about jogging. Yet here we are, the last two weeks I pushed myself to go running almost every day. I can run for 15 minutes nonstop now, and I am beyond proud!. I would normally not brag about this, but I needed a J for my Blogging from A to Z  Challenge.

I enjoy walking for a purpose; people all know at work I will walk all over the hotel 300 times just to stay busy. Making my 20,000 steps a day is very easy like this. But running or walking without a purpose? No way.

I used to be envious of people always working out and doing sporty things, especially if they where skinny. They were done surely right? How much weight do you need to lose? Now I know that working out regularly is just good for you mentally and physically, you are never really done. I know that of course, but the more obese I got, the more meanness seeped inside me.

I think the harder it got for me to move, the harder it got for me to have nice thoughts towards people that where moving. I remember that my friend organized a class for moms at a gym and I joined thinking it would be fun. What I had forgotten was that I was about twice as big as all the mothers and had no energy or stamina to keep up with them.

I left the class crying and filled with anger, filled with anger towards myself, and filled with spite and jealousy towards my skinny friends. I joined the online fitness group with all my friends many times but had to leave many times as I got horrible thoughts.

Now I think I am a pretty good person in general but intrusive thoughts are a very real problem. Did I wish my fitness friends ill? Did I want them to know how much it hurt to work out with a 100 kilo body? Did I wish them an unhealthy life like mine? No, of course not.

When I started working out in the gym with a personal trainer, I found out that I actually really liked to run, long distances listening to music on the treadmill. It took me another 2 years to run again, but now a healthy 60 kilos instead of 110 kilos. It’s easier to run and I actually enjoy it. I know it’s good for me, for my mental and physical wellbeing.

Some fresh air, music, and my electric color shoes—,and off I go. I might have forgotten to tell you my dear friend, but I wish you all the health in the world, a fit body and a happy mind, you deserve it.

Here I am, another smug skinny bitch part of the jogging elite in Fleet.


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