D is for Death

April 4, 2020 , In: Expat Mommy , With: No Comments

It seemed only fitting that I dedicate this entry to death. Death is part of life; it is the one thing we are all going towards in our lives.The one certain factor. I sit here pondering why did I not use this day for something more positive like Donkey or Daughter? It is because death is so relevant these days, surrounding us together with disease. It is consuming the world alive; we are being destroyed by fear. We are all scared—of getting sick, of losing our jobs, of losing our homes, of scarring our children for the rest of their lives with this homeschooling.

Last year in the midst of my depression, I would have welcomed death with open arms. It has taken me a year to get away from it. Death was haunting me, making me promises that I believed. Death promised me peace—no more pain—and most of all, it promised me rest. I did not know that I was not having conversations with death; I was talking to the devil.

It has taken me a year to stop talking with the devil. Some days he still comes knocking on my door, but I choose to leave him outside. We are all locking our own doors and not letting anybody in, afraid of death. We all hear the knocking, some louder than others, but suddenly we all hear it all over the world, loud and clear.

I take these trying times to listen to this knocking and finding out what I really want from life before I open the door to death. Listening to the knocking, I am finding out that I want to be alive and want to be able to live this life in good health and with some kind of energy to be part of a community.

Death is an everyday thing: flowers wither, animals perish,loved ones pass away. It knocks, and it knocks every day. Death is knocking all around us, and the world is listening behind these doors. We are led by deathly fear all around us: numbers are scaring us; the media is scaring us; a fever or a cough makes us all scared.

We sit behind our closed doors listening to death knocking. It becomes louder and louder; we don’t open even though the devil is daring us to answer. I stopped talking to death, I stopped talking to the devil, but they follow me around and invite me to come outside and join them.

I don’t listen anymore as the knocking will go away. The fear will dwindle and the lives left over will be blossom again. Many years from now when I am old and done with life, I will listen to knocking again and open the door one last time.

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