It’s funny really how I always wanted to be a mother. I would do everything much better than my parents and I would have all the patience in the world. I used to do loads of babysitting and thought it would be easy. Those kids always listened pretty well, and I never broke one, so I was a natural born mother.
Well nothing was less than true, nobody is a natural mom! Your child is born and you are born as a mother. You and your baby know nothing; all those books, all those magazines, all the babysitting in the world did not prepare me for the shitstorm that hit me as a mother.
I always thought kids were quite fun. It turns out they are fun when you can give them back and go on with your life without giving it a second thought. Kids are not that much fun when they grow, start to talk, and stay with you 24/7. Don’t get me wrong—I love my child and would not have my life any other way. But boy, it is hard to be a mother.
It turns out I don’t really like kids; I like mine since I made her, and I did pretty well. But other people’s kids are just the worst. Except if they are playmates of my child, and then I suddenly love them and will guard them with my life. But the rest of them? No thanks. Teachers are absolute saints, 30 kids who are not your own and you are still smiling? You teachers deserve the world in my opinion.
I don’t go around cursing and kicking kids like a crazy witch but I am sort of happy I don’t have to interact with them at all these days. No kids who want to show me rocks at the park or come to have a little talk with me… what a relief that I don’t have to pretend to like them!
I like the kids whose nice moms I can be friends with. Those kids are brilliant. I even love the ones who can pretend to be a sibling to my kid… those kids are the shit. I even miss my second child I never had to be a playmate to my daughter who is an only child these days.
But I do not miss that little kid who licked my daughter’s ice cream in the park only 4 weeks ago, no I do not miss that kid!