There is really no other word for I could have chosen to blog about than fashion. I have loved fashion as long as I can remember. I would save up my pocket money to buy Vogue or bridal magazines. I would cut out models and make collages in my planner. I was crazy about magazines in general. But fashion was always some kind of dream; I wished to dress like that. But I was young and cared about what other people thought of me. I wish I did not care, like I don’t right now, because I would have been dressing like a colorful wild butterfly for a longer time.
But when you are a teenager, you do care so much that it hurts. Am I too fat?Am I dressed right? Am I wearing the right kind of shoes?
Begging parents for some expensive pair of sport shoes that would fall apart in a heartbeat. Feeling surely very embarrassed even walking by a secondhand store.
What a waste of time!
I did always dress in pink because that’s not something that I ever was embarrassed about. Pink is, by far, my most favorite color, in fashion and life. The rest of my wardrobe is pretty generic. My twenties were always making sure I did not look fat in my outfits…until I actually got so fat that I could not hide it anymore. Too bad I lost spunk to actually dress in fun outfits. Lucky for me, I had the outlet of dressing my daughter. I found the cutest outfits on eBay and she was dressed the best till she wanted to dress herself. Of course, things went downhill from then; still, I had three fun years of dressing her to my own ideas. But as I was trying to be good mother, I had to let go and let her find her own sense of fashion.
When I arrived in Beijing, I started to care less about what people actually thought of me; I could reinvent myself. I would wear funky leggings, glittery boots, and anything I could fit in my fat body. Yes, I stretched out many of my clothes but who cares? I was getting too old to even care what other people thought of me. And really there is no way of hiding your big body when you are 100 kilos. I started to go to clothing auctions, and even if I did not always fit into pieces, I loved each minute of them. Browsing through clothes, dressing up my friends while getting drunk and eating? A dream come true!
I started my own weight loss journey two years ago and lost half my body weight. Finally, I started to fit in “normal” size clothes. I was unstoppable: more clothes and more clothes entered our home. I tried to tone it down but that was no use. Secondhand clothes from charity shops and auctions were and are my everything. I have dressed myself as a morbidly obese woman and as a normal-sized woman and I can say that getting dressed in small size is much more fun for me. Things actually fit; things look good when you are not having a sweaty fight to get into them.
Many times I think about a funky outfit and put it on, some days I think to myself, “You can’t wear that outside,” or like my mom liked to say, “Be normal this way; you’re already crazy enough.” But then I think, “Why not wear it? I only live once!”
Fashion and nice clothes make me feel better and make me happy. Clothes make the woman, as the expression goes, and it’s so true! Some cuts make me look better; others make me look not so good. Some colors make my face sparkle and shine,while others not so much.
Secondhand fashion is on the rise and I urge everyone to have a good look at fast fashion and how these factories and companies hurt their employees and the Earth. Secondhand clothing is the answer for me; I love browsing through charity shops, finding some amazing pieces for me or for others.
F is for Fashion—one of my passions!